Out of Africa
by Merlin
Summary: Xander survived for 7 years against the darkness, and now he continues to fight, only his heart is no longer in it. What will it take to bring him back, and can he ever recover.


Title: Out of Africa  
  
Author: Merlin the Enchanter and Nodakskip  
  
E-Mail: merlin.enchanter@verizon.net & nodakskip@aol.com   
  
Feedback: Yes please, it is food for the soul.  
  
Season: Post Season 7.  
  
Spoilers: Some for Season 7.  
  
Categories: Adventure, Angst, Romance.  
  
Pairings: X/?  
  
Rating: PG-13 For Demonic violence and General mayhem.  
  
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Joss, Mutant Enemy, and a lot of other people own Buffy. I get no money by writing this, just hope for some kind words of encouragement.  
  
Summary: Xander survived for 7 years against the darkness, and now he continues to fight, only his heart is no longer in it. What will it take to bring him back, and can he ever recover.  
  
Authors Notes: Listening to the song "Numb" by Linkin Park made me think of Xander, and how he might feel now surrounded by Slayers. Then came the revelation by Andrew on Angel as to where Xander was fed the bunny. That led to a conversation with Nodakskip, and the idea of this fic was born. After bouncing ideas off him, I was able to get this part completed, and a rough outline of where it was going to go next. Part 2 will be posted by him, and continues the story. Not everyone is portrayed in happy terms in this fic, but I am not going out of my way to bash anyone.  
  
Special Thanks: To My Betas, Greywizard, jayesh, and Brer Abbott, Thanks guys, your support has meant a lot! And to Nodakskip who put up with my pestering him with numerous questions and suggestions while this story was in gestation.  
  
Archive Permissions: See, take, and keep, I would just like to know where so I can visit!  
  
Out of Africa  
  
Chapter 1: Numb  
  
Slayer Compound   
  
Walker Plantation  
  
Pwani Province  
  
Tanzania  
  
December 5, 2003  
  
Xander Harris stood next to the ancient Dodge Power Wagon and watched the sun set over the mountains as he waited for the small plane to arrive with its passenger. The terse message from the Council headquarters said only that there would be a single passenger, nothing more .  
  
Inwardly, he hoped that it would be his replacement, so he would no longer be burdened by watching over the training of the twenty seven Slayers that were now under his care.  
  
When they had closed the hellmouth in Sunnydale, and then set up in Cleveland, he had hoped to be able to just get a job, and be left pretty much out of things. That didn't happen Giles had reformed the Council, and now was currently its head. Once they had started the discussions as to how best to handle the large numbers of new Slayers the Awakening spell had activated, several important decisions had been made.   
  
One was to scatter the training locations of the Slayers all over the world, and keep the small groups separate, but still part of the overall organization. This decision was made in the belief that it would be best to never be caught unprepared again, with all of the key personnel in one single location.   
  
There were several new compounds now, for training and supporting Slayers in several different locations.   
  
Willow and Kennedy were running one just outside of Rio de Janeiro.   
  
Buffy and Dawn were at the one just outside of Rome; Buffy, was still somewhat involved, though currently on a sabbatical.   
  
Faith and Robin Wood headed the one in Cleveland, where the active Hellmouth was.   
  
Giles and the new Council were based in England, just outside of London.  
  
And Xander was here, in a compound south of Dar es Salaam Tanzania, the site of a plantation still owned by Madeline Walker, daughter of Kit and Diana Walker.  
  
When the location was suggested at one of the early Council meetings, Xander jumped on the chance to head up the most remote training location.   
  
For him, it was a chance to be away from everyone. He had tried to get out of being involved. When Giles explained the need to train the new Slayers, and that they wanted him to help, there being a serious problem with a lack of experienced teachers available, he reluctantly agreed.  
  
He had spent the last six months here in Africa, putting a base together for the girls he was to train. He had spent a considerable amount of the Council's money to ensure that the place was comfortable for the girls, making it more of a home to them and not just a training camp and prison.  
  
They had a satellite dish and digital cable, and there were several televisions, in addition to the big one in the group lounge. There were video games and sports equipment, and other ways for the girls to keep themselves entertained.  
  
Xander had also been thoughtful enough to provide for their other needs as well; there was a school on the compound that the girls attended, mixing the desperately needed Slayer knowledge with the normal educational needs he believed the girls should have. The girls didn't have a completely free ride, though. In addition to their schooling, they were also expected to work in the compound's many gardens that helped provide fresh fruits and vegetables for their meals. Xander was aware of how much a Slayer could eat, and he wanted their diet to be varied and healthy.  
  
He sighed again as he looked at his watch, the plane was running a few minutes late, the pilot, Mitch Carstairs, was an experienced bush pilot, and he had radioed them earlier that he was running a little bit late.  
  
Xander took a swig of water from the water bottle he had brought with him, and stared again out at the sunset, waiting for the plane and his (hopefully) replacement to arrive.  
  
There were a few vampires in the area, but not enough for him to be to wary. He was in a very open area near the landing strip, and there was not enough ground cover available for them to hide. Besides, he was also well armed. He carried a HK USP on his hip, and a modified Browning semi-automatic Stalker shotgun lay within easy reach in the vehicle.  
  
His request for firearms for the Slayers had caused somewhat of a flap in the new Council. Even though they had been reformed, there were still those who were against the idea of using modern weapons.   
  
Buffy herself had been very vocal about it, but in the end, the weapons arrived. Giles had convinced the group to allow them to use the weapons, more as a trial to see how it would affect their effectiveness, more than anything else. The HK USP Compacts and Browning Stalker shotguns were effective, and in the few trials that had come available, they had been very efficient.  
  
Since the destruction of Sunnydale, Xander had had little contact with his former friends, mostly by his choice. Willow, Giles and Dawn were about the only ones he communicated with.  
  
Anya's death had hit him harder than anyone had realized. The young man once described by Angelus as a White Knight was slipping deeper into depression week by week.  
  
Xander did everything possible to care for the girls in his charge, but he was doing nothing whatsoever for himself. He listened to them, talked to them, and tried to understand what they were going through. He had no one.   
  
Usually he rose early in the morning. He checked the daily schedules of what needed to be done; and then was available for the girls when they came down to breakfast.  
  
He supervised their morning calisthenics, and then checked with the different instructors to see if anything was needed. While they were either doing their council related training, or studying for their general education, he checked with the plantation supervisor to see how things were going in that area.  
  
One of the things that Xander could boast about, if he was so inclined, was the fact that his training site actually paid for itself. If the early indications were correct, they would actually show a profit this year. The cattle and sheep that were raised here produced a very fine beef, and a type of wool that was in high demand.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Faith looked over the plantation as the plane neared the landing strip; she could see the large house, several outbuildings, including barns and a large cleared area where sheep and cattle grazed. Her only prior experience with Africa had been what she had seen on TV. She was expecting deep dark jungles, of which there were plenty, although several miles inland.  
  
Off toward the coast, she saw what looked to be a beautiful beach that looked to be about two to three miles from the main house.  
  
* * * * *  
  
He was just staring off into space when the droning of the small plane reached his ears. He switched his gaze to the north, and could just make out the shape of the plane as it came into sight. Xander watched as it grew in size, then seemed to float toward the ground.   
  
Mitch brought the plane to a gentle touchdown, and let it roll down the landing strip, stopping neatly in front of him. The well-worn pilot grinned at him from the cockpit, and started to climb out. On the other side of the plane, the door opened, and Xander could make out a pair of jeans and black heeled boots.  
  
The prop stopped spinning, and his gaze followed the boots around the front of the plane.  
  
Faith.  
  
Involuntarily, Xander tensed up. He was no longer afraid of the one Slayer who in the past had tried to kill him. However, it was almost a slap in the face to have her be the one that was replacing him.  
  
"Xander," she spoke softly. "Good to see you again."  
  
"Good to see you again too, Faith," he answered. "Didn't know you would be the one to replace me, though."  
  
For a moment, Faith looked confused.  
  
"I'm not here to replace you. Xan. Just had a nasty break up with Woody, and needed some time away," she explained, drawing a curious look from Xander.  
  
"Besides, I don't think you could be replaced," she added as she helped him put her bags in the old military staff vehicle.  
  
Mitch handed a couple of boxes to Xander and quickly said his goodbyes, anxious to get home.  
  
"Those are some new types of ammunition that Andrew has been working on, for you to try out. Since Giles hired him, he has been researching better ways to kill vamps and demons, which got him out of Cleveland, thank God for small favors," Faith said, indicating the various packages Mitch had unloaded.  
  
Xander just looked at her, waiting for her to explain.  
  
"He was driving Woody nuts, and bothering the Slayers so much that one of them threatened to kill him. Giles was visiting at the time, and they somehow got into a conversation about the best methods of killing vamps and demons. Giles mentioned that you were using guns, and Andrew started foaming at the mouth with all of these ideas he had," the brunette elaborated.  
  
Xander let a small smile escape as he thought of Andrew studying the various ways to kill demons. The two climbed into the old staff car and started the trip back to the compound.  
  
"Anyway, Giles hired him on, and set him up in a small lab in England. Andrew's currently in LA, talking to Fang and doing some research," Faith finished up her explanation, and relaxed as Xander drove.   
  
The former carpenter had noticed that Faith had seemed bothered about the idea of Andrew spending time with Angel, and filed that fact away for further thought.  
  
As they headed back to the compound, Xander surreptitiously watched Faith. She seemed nervous and on edge, but what she was concerned about was anyone's guess.  
  
He parked the old staff car under a rickety carport and grabbed one of her bags and the boxes from Andrew. He escorted her into the huge house and took her to the guest quarters.  
  
Next, he showed her where everything was located and then took her to the closed doorway to the lounge where most of the girls generally gathered. Before opening it, he asked her if she wanted to go on patrol with them that night.   
  
When she agreed, he looked her straight in the eye.   
  
"Faith, Andrea is the patrol leader tonight. She's a little shy, and I've been working on her confidence level, so let her lead; do not try to take charge, or make her second guess herself. We have all been working hard on building her confidence and self esteem up, and she is doing great. She's smart, and can be a natural leader," Xander told her.  
  
"You don't go with them every night?" Faith asked incredulously.  
  
"Nope, usually only once or twice a week. We give everyone a chance to lead, and it has worked very well. The girls all know what to expect from each other, and they are really developing an understanding of the intricacies involved in how to lead a team. Vampire activity is real slow here compared to Sunnydale. We usually only find a couple of vamps a week, but we seem to get a lot more demons, which the shotguns handle easily."  
  
Xander turned to open the door to the lounge, and Faith observed him curiously. Back in Sunnydale, she had seen how much he had grown and matured while she was in prison, and now he had obviously used that maturity in his training methods.   
  
Tonight's patrol was going to be interesting.  
  
* * * * *  
  
After introducing her to everyone, he checked to see that everyone was aware of the patrol schedule, and what was expected. Afterward, he just left them to talk with Faith.  
  
Faith was surprised to see a couple of faces that she recognized; Reese and Catrina were originally from Cleveland. Robin called them trouble makers because they questioned him about everything, and he had shipped them off to the Council. Marva was from Rio, and the second eldest Slayer had met her at the Cleveland airport and helped her get on a plane for London. Kennedy was not able to get along with the girl at all, and Willow had sent her away as well.  
  
Time to think about that later, and now to see how they were doing, thought Faith.  
  
The girls gathered around the second most experienced Slayer and barraged her with questions that she did her best to answer.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Finally, Andrea pointed out that it was time to head out, and the ten of them whose turn it was to patrol, headed to prepare their equipment. Andrea took Faith with her to the armory, and after looking her over for a minute, handed her a vest.  
  
"What is this?" Faith asked.  
  
"Modified body armor," the younger girl informed her. "One of Xander's rules: no one patrols without body armor."  
  
She helped the senior Slayer fit the vest to her properly, and showed her what the various pockets were for. Once she was loaded up, she handed Faith a helmet.   
  
It was lighter than any she had ever worn, and Andrea helped her fit that properly as well. By the time Faith had it on comfortably, Andrea was dressed and ready to go. She showed her how to turn on and use the small radio set that the helmet was equipped with.  
  
The Slayers scheduled for patrol gathered together on the front porch, and found Msamaki and Walter waiting for them. Andrea identified them to Faith as locals who guided the girls when they patrolled.  
  
She learned that one night, shortly after they arrived, the chief of a local village showed up and told Xander that he was assigning two experienced guides for their use. Both were veteran guides, and were intimately familiar with the jungle and the things that inhabited it. All of the things.  
  
Both had proven their worth, and saved the lives of several of the girls, from both vampires and some of the local wildlife.   
  
The girls piled into the open back truck that would take them closer to the area they would patrol that night, and they rode quietly, not talking at all, everyone preparing themselves mentally for their patrol.  
  
Once the truck was parked, they set out for their normal patrol, allowing the guides to lead then to where a tribesman had mentioned that he had seen strange tracks.  
  
Faith was surprised at how quietly the girls moved, with no wasted movement, and always in an excellent combat formation.  
  
The only trouble they located that night was a half dozen Grinakk demons feeding on a cow from one of the neighboring tribes. The girls moved so efficiently that Faith never got a chance to fire a shot. They moved into position silently and ambushed the large, deadly demons while they were feeding. All six were shredded by the girls' shotguns before they even had a chance to react.  
  
Then, as Xander had trained them to do, the girls covered each other while the shooters reloaded, and they were back on patrol.  
  
When they made their way back to the truck, they once again piled in and rode back to the plantation just as quietly as they had riding out.  
  
As they neared the house, one of the girls dropped back and held Faith back a little. Her name was Chantelle, and she was a dark skinned beauty of Persian ancestry.  
  
"Are you here to find out what is wrong with Xander?" she asked Faith.  
  
Faith looked up at the young girl, surprised by the question.  
  
"What's wrong with Xan?" she asked.  
  
"We don't know, and that is what's bothering us. All he ever does is work with us, train us or supervise our training, or work on the Plantation's books. He never goes out, joins us for our movie nights, or do anything that's fun. We realize that he lost someone close to him, but this is getting to be too much," she paused, as if to think a bit.  
  
"Xander is very careful to make sure that we don't get burned out or discouraged, but it is like he is not living at all. It's almost like he is just going through the motions, and is just waiting to get out of here."   
  
Faith pondered that, thinking of his comment about his replacement.  
  
"I didn't know anything was wrong. I was just coming here for a visit, so I could get out of Cleveland for a while. I always thought everything was fine here," Faith said.  
  
"Something is bothering him, and all of us think it has to be pretty bad," Chantelle told the older girl. "All he ever does is sit up in his room at night, and listen to that same song over and over again. I used to love that song, now it depresses me to hear it.   
  
"Some of the girls are really starting to get worried, they expect him to either be gone one morning, or to find him dead up in his room."  
  
"What song is that?" Faith asked, her voice expressing the deep concern she was beginning to feel as she considered everything she had learned since arriving that afternoon.  
  
"Just listen closely. You'll hear it in a minute."  
  
They got near the house, and Chantelle steered the guest around to the side of the house. Faith could clearly hear the words to the song, and she started wondering even more now.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
[Chorus]  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
[Chorus]  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Chantelle was right, Faith realized. She did recognize the song, and she had listened to the words carefully.  
  
Something was really, really wrong, and she realized that these girls were expecting her to do something about it.  
  
\\ Great, I come here for a vacation, and now I have to arrange a major miracle. I don't know what I can do. I'm so fucked up myself, how can I help someone as strong as Xander? //  
  
The two girls entered the house and headed down to the basement armory to return the weapons and armor. Faith and Chantelle each checked over their weapons for dirt or damage, and once they were satisfied that they were clean, put them away.  
  
As they made their way back upstairs, Faith spoke to the younger Slayer.  
  
"I'll try to talk to Xander. I don't know if I can do any good. But I will try."  
  
"That's all you can do," replied the younger woman sadly.  
  
Faith headed to her room, exhausted after her trip halfway around the world, patrolling, and her conversation with Chantelle.  
  
She grabbed a quick shower and went to bed, and lay there for only a few minutes before she was sound asleep.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The sounds of birds singing was the first thing that Faith heard when she woke. She slowly stretched, feeling relaxed. Then she realized where she was and started to climb out of the bed.   
  
She noticed that her duffle bag was neatly folded on a chair, and frowned. Opening the dresser drawers, she noticed that all her belongings were neatly folded in them, and that nothing was missing.  
  
\\ I guess someone put my things away while I was out patrolling last night. //  
  
Thinking no more about it, she dressed while considering the various ways she could deal with the girls' concern about Xander.  
  
\\ Like that is something I could just ask him about. I've never apologized to him for what I did, and I know he still has to resent me for trying to kill him. Hello…What's this ? //  
  
Faith walked over to the nightstand and looked at the small wooden box that lay there. It was sitting on a piece of paper. Written on the paper were the words, "For the new Slayer".  
  
She carefully picked up the box, concerned that it might be some kind of mystical trap, but nothing happened, so she tried to open it. For some reason, although she could see several seams in it, she just could not figure out how to open it.  
  
Dressing quickly, Faith picked up the box and the paper and headed downstairs.  
  
She found Xander in the kitchen having coffee. She approached him directly.  
  
"Morning, Xan. So, you got spooks here or what? I woke up this morning and found this box, and a piece of paper on my nightstand. I have no idea where it came from, and it does not make me a happy camper that someone was able to get into my room last night without me knowing it."  
  
Xander gave her half a smirk, and for a second Faith saw some of the old Xander showing.  
  
"It's just a welcoming gift," he stated. "Everyone here got one when they arrived."  
  
"So, who's it from, and why give a box for a gift?" Faith demanded, irritated.  
  
"The gift is in the box, there is no way to open it. You have to squeeze on the bottom and the top at the same time…"  
  
Faith did as he suggested before he could finish, and was surprised when the box exploded into a cloud of dust. When she opened her hand, there was a beautiful silver ring lying on her palm. The ring was in the form of a skull, and it had dark jewel eyes that appeared to be rubies. She looked up at Xander and the several girls that had gathered behind him.  
  
"What is this?" she asked.  
  
"It means that you are now under the protection of 'The Ghost who Walks'" replied Arusha, the woman who did the cooking and maintained the household for the Walkers.  
  
"Huh?" Faith commented.  
  
"There is a legend in this area about 'The Ghost Who Walks. He is the protector of the weak and innocent in the area. According to the legend, 'The Phantom' has been protecting this region of Tanzania for something like 400 years. He wears a purple and black costume with mask and cowl, carries a pair of .45 automatics, and protects both nature and the innocents in the area. I guess he figures that we're on the same side, because shortly after we arrived, all of us received the same type of ring," Xander explained, holding up his own ring for her to see.  
  
The girls behind him also held up their hands for her to see. All of the rings were nearly identical, the color of the eyes being the only difference.   
  
"So what does this mean?" Faith asked no one in particular.  
  
"What it means, child, is that you are under the protection of The Phantom, and that means that all of the locals here will do anything they can to aid you. No one that knows of the Phantom will try to take advantage of you or prevent you from doing anything you might need to do. Those who grew up in this area know of its history, and the history of the Phantom. He is feared by evil men, and respected by innocent ones. As long as you wear that ring, you will be helped by, and protected from, anyone who knows of the Phantom," Arusha explained.  
  
Faith listened attentively, and absent-mindedly slipped on the ring. It fit perfectly, and strangely enough, after a moment she hardly noticed that she was wearing it.  
  
She only partially listened to the various conversations going on around the kitchen, examining the ring closer. She grabbed a cup, poured some coffee and sipped it slowly, occasionally observing whoever entered or left the room.   
  
Her thoughts turned back to the conversation she had had with Chantelle last night. She realized she was in no way prepared to talk to Xander about the girls concerns. Hell, she felt lucky that Xander would even talk to her at all. First she took his virginity, then tossed him out of her hotel room in his underwear. Later tried to kill him when he tried to reach out to help her.  
  
* * * * *  
  
She had planned to apologize to him when she first returned to Sunnydale to help with the First Evil, but she had chickened out every time she had even thought about talking to him. Then she had connected up with the son of a Slayer, Robin Wood, the principal of the rebuilt Sunnydale High School.  
  
With Wood, she felt some kind of connection, whether it was the fact that he was the son of a Slayer, or his skill as a lover she was never really sure. Once the group had arrived in Cleveland, Faith had noticed that Xander was distancing himself from the group more and more.   
  
When Buffy and Willow had expressed the idea of setting up several training facilities, she was surprised when Xander had chosen the most remote location for himself. Thinking back, she now realized that he had pulled away from all of the gang, all that, is except Dawn. The two seemed to spend a lot of time together; not in a romantic way, but more in a big brother way. He had helped the younger woman find herself in the midst of all of the changes that the destruction of Sunnydale had wrought in her life.  
  
Then the original Scooby gang split up. All of them going to the new locations where training sites had been set up. Willow and Kennedy went to Rio de Janeiro. Buffy and Dawn flew to Italy. Giles moved to England as the head of the new Watchers' Council. Xander went to Africa. This left her and Wood in Cleveland.  
  
For a while, things had been good. She was helping to train the newly called Slayers, and was teaching them what she knew about fighting the creatures of the night. Then things started to change. Robin started to change. He started to get more serious, to become more controlling.   
  
Shortly after that, Reese and Catrina, now two of Xander's slayers, had questioned Wood's plans for the night's patrol, pissing him off. The next day she was surprised to find that Wood had contacted Giles, and was sending those two girls away. This was something that Faith had felt was a bit too extreme. She had commented on it to him, and had been told that 'He' knew what he was doing, and she should leave the training to him.  
  
She had backed down, and quietly observed the training, instead of participating in it.  
  
A couple of weeks ago, she had gone out clubbing with a couple of the older girls after a rough night patrolling, one that had left two of the Slayers hospitalized with some severe injuries.  
  
The next morning, Robin had exploded, tearing her a new one in front of all the girls. No way was she putting up with that shit!  
  
She had contacted Giles, and left the same day. She headed first for England, then on to Africa.  
  
Now here she was, sitting in a comfortable kitchen drinking coffee, and wondering where her place was in this new organization of Watchers and Slayers.  
  
She had just poured a fresh cup of coffee when Andrea came in the kitchen. Xander looked up at her and asked.  
  
"What's the plan, Andrea?"  
  
"Pretty much everyone wants to spend the day at the beach today, Xander," she stated.  
  
"That's fine, An. Let Arusha and Walt know, and have Ben get the bus ready," Xander replied, hardly looking up from the papers he was reading.  
  
Faith finished up her coffee, put the cup in the sink, and then casually followed Andrea out of the room. She watched as the girl joined several other Slayers.  
  
"Well?" one of them asked.  
  
"He said okay, but never looked up from his work, and acted as though he didn't care what we did," Andrea said.  
  
"Well then, we go to plan B," said Chantelle, as she stepped forward.  
  
They turned to the youngest Slayer there, a thirteen year old named Kuiwa, from Zambia, who was just plain cute as a button.  
  
"You know what to do, Kuiwa?" Andrea asked.  
  
"Yep," grinned the young girl. "I ask him to join us, and then turn on the pouting if he refuses, and if I need to, I give him the 'pitiful little girl look' and shed a tear or two," she answered in her slightly English accented voice.  
  
"You got it. Good luck," Andrea said.  
  
"Nothing to worry about there, Andrea. Kuiwa can always get him to do whatever she wants. That is one girl who will be dangerous as hell when she gets older," Chantelle commented.  
  
The Slayers just stood and watched as Kuiwa entered the kitchen. Faith knew the others were using Slayer hearing to listen to what went on.  
  
In the Kitchen  
  
"Xander?" Kuiwa started.  
  
"Yes Kuiwa?" he asked.  
  
"Are you going to come with us?" she asked in a little girl voice.  
  
"Wasn't planning on it, got some work to finish up here," he answered.  
  
"Will you come with us today?" she asked in the same voice.  
  
"I really don't think…"   
  
"Please, Xander? You never spend anytime with us. Will you please come with us?" Kuiwa asked again, a plaintive note in her voice.  
  
Faith heard him give a long sigh, and could tell by the looks on the others' faces that the young Slayer had won.  
  
"Sure Kuiwa, I'll come with you today," he gave in.  
  
Chantelle jerked her arm up and down, and hissed "Yes!"   
  
And then everyone split up, heading to their rooms to get ready. Faith stayed where she was and watched the youngest Slayer leave the kitchen, a very large smile on her face.  
  
Later; At the Beach  
  
Faith took a breather after playing a wicked game of volleyball with the other Slayers and got a cold drink.  
  
She stood in the shade in the shelter that had been built on the beach. It was just a covered fireplace, with a slightly peaked roof over a fireplace and a few tables, with a small opening in the roof to let smoke out.  
  
She looked around and finally spotted Xander, sitting in the sand down the beach a short ways, and grabbed a couple of cans of soda and started off towards him.  
  
Faith walked up to the man once known as the Zeppo and offered a can to him.   
  
"Thanks, Faith," he said as he accepted it.  
  
"Pretty cushy duty here, Xan. A girl could get spoiled by it. I mean, cooks, cleaning people, and everything."  
  
"Don't start Faith," Xander said, his eyes going dark with suppressed anger.  
  
"You don't know nearly as much as you think you do about this situation," he started, sighing heavily. "This is not the States, Faith. Things are different here. Very different. The people here are in many ways still a primitive people; they may have all of the modern toys, but they are still basically tribal in nature, and they understand about the things that exist in the night. Most know about, and have even seen, demons and vampires. They have survived as long as they have, by fighting back against them. 'Witch Doctors,' as the tribal medicine men are known, have protected villages with spells for centuries, and in fact still do so today. Others have watched herds decimated, friends killed and changed, and have survived," he said, pausing to take a drink.  
  
"When we first got here, it was just me and 16 girls. We took care of everything ourselves. Walter was the foreman of the plantation, and the only one who was here other than us. For the first month or so, we patrolled alone, and then Msamaki showed up. His father was the tribal medicine man for his village, and he sent Msamaki here to direct the girls to where the current hot issues were. Then, over the next few weeks, others started showing up here to help, and Arusha showed up, having been hired by Madeline Walker to act as the head of the household. Since then, she has become sort of a surrogate mother for the girls, someone they can talk to and ask questions of."  
  
Xander paused again, looking out over the girls playing in the surf, participating in a serious volleyball game, or just relaxing and soaking up some sun.  
  
"You've done a damn good job here, Xan. Morale is high, and it looks like all of your girls are getting along," Faith said quietly. Then she looked into his eyes, and in a sad voice asked, "Have you lost any one yet?"  
  
"No, we've been very fortunate. Andrea was pretty badly hurt the third week, when a Rasachor demon got too close and beat her up pretty badly. there have been a few injuries that were pretty minor, considering what we were fighting, but overall, they have done a pretty good job," he said proudly.  
  
"Actually, Xan, I think it has more to do with your training methods, and the fact that you care for them so much. Back in Cleveland, a couple of weeks after you guys left, a vamp tore a girl's throat out. Everyone was pretty shook up about it, but 'Woody'," she said, practically spitting his name out, "called everyone together and told 'em that it was her own fault, that she didn't take her job seriously enough, and didn't work hard enough. Sounded like General Buffy back in Sunny-Dee. That was when I first realized that he might not be the man I thought he was."   
  
"Everyone does things differently, Faith. I realized that when I was watching General Buffy work with the potentials. She had them so afraid of everything, that I was surprised that we were able to win. I have tried to teach them to depend on each other, and to take Slaying seriously, but I also realized that they are all teen girls, and need more than that to live. I always felt that you had to be able to enjoy what life has to offer, so you know what you are fighting for. I pushed Giles for the guns and armor to give them a fighting chance. He had to fight to get them to me, but he did, along with Sergeant Major Wainwright, a retired SAS soldier, who's been giving them their military training. They have a pretty good understanding of small unit tactics, and know when to avoid a fight."  
  
Xander paused, laughing for a minute.  
  
"What's so funny, Xan?" Faith asked.  
  
"Thinking about one of Reese's first patrols just after she came here. I was pissed when Robin sent those two here, thought he was dumping some trouble makers on me," he explained.   
  
"But when I talked to them, I found out that they were just like me, wanted to know why things were the way they were, and didn't want a 'Because I said so' answer. Anyway, they were out checking out a report of demons tearing up a heard of cattle, and found a pack of Klanorath demons attacking the herd. Now, they are known to be impossible to fight together, so the girls got an idea from Reese, about something the Native Americans used to do when fighting certain enemies. They followed them, making enough noise so the tail end Charlie would pause long enough for them to get several arrows and bolts into it. Took them all night, but they wiped out the entire pack. The owner of the herd brought over the big screen TV in the house for them, and gave all of the girls a big feast in their honor."  
  
"Wow. Gotta say, I am impressed, Xander. You've done a damn good job here."   
  
"It's not that big of deal, Faith. I just organize things a little. The Sarge, and the others are doing all of the work. They girls have got to the point where they really don't need me at all," he said.  
  
"I don't believe that for a minute. Xander, I realize I have no right to even speak to you after all of the things that have happened between us, but I know that these girls need you!" Faith whispered harshly. "I took advantage of you, used you, and then repaid your friendship by trying to kill you. For that, I am more sorry than you could ever imagine, but don't give up on them, Xander. They do need you."  
  
Most of the Slayers had heard the conversation (Slayer hearing could be a real pain sometimes), and they looked as Faith collapsed in Xander's arms in tears. They continued what they were doing, and tried not to eavesdrop anymore.  
  
Xander tried to comfort the crying Slayer and thought over what she had said. He understood, but he had no more to give. He was just too tired of it all.  
  
He held her till she stopped crying, and then spoke softly.  
  
"Faith, I do understand, but too much has happened over the years. I have truly loved four women in my life, and ruined one friendship when I took advantage of her. I loved Buffy, but that was all one sided. I loved Willow, but it took us sneaking around having illicit make out sessions to realize that I never loved her that way, but more like a sister. I loved Cordelia more than I ever thought possible, and I ruined that relationship by the affair with Willow. And you, I could have turned you down, but hey, I was a teenager, sex was all I thought about. I should have been there for you as the friend you needed, not as the lover you didn't.   
  
"And then there was Anya, someone whom I truly thought I loved enough to marry. And we all know how that turned out. I was so afraid of turning into my father, that I backed out of the wedding. It was some time before I realized that although I loved her, I just didn't love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her."  
  
He paused, still holding her and stroking her hair.  
  
"But now, now Faith, I am just too tired. I have lost an excellent job, my eye, and myself somewhere along the way. I just don't have anything to give any more. I want to help, Faith. I really do, but how can I help these girls to grow, to be good human beings, good Slayers, and make their way in life, when I don't know who I am, or where I am going.   
  
"I need to take a break, to find my way again. Then maybe I can help." Xander said softly.  
  
Faith sat up a little straighter and wiped her face.  
  
She was going to be here for Xander for the time being, she owed him that much. She didn't know how long or even if Giles would be able to find a replacement, but she hoped she could help him until then.  
  
TBC... 


End file.
